for better or for worse~

the very 1st day of PD class, already we were talking about teaching as a profession. how professional is this profession? what should one do to maintain that professionalisme? what? having those questions posted to myself, honestly, is...hmm..how should i put it...is...i dunno.i perceive the profession as one of the professionals, honestly i do, but i still uphold the belief that doctors and lawyers are MORE professional.but then again, even the most successful doctors and lawyers (or any kind of profession you can think of nowadays) were once upon a time, students too. they were taught by teachers. the same goes for teachers. they were taught by teachers too. the difference is that teachers are students for eternity. the learning never stops! ahakkks. so demanding la the work of a teacher... for better or for worse, once a teacher, always a teacher. i am a married lady now. married to my profession as a teacher. in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us apart. I will forever be a teacher. #freakingout!

praise the Lord who heals the brokenhearted.

dear Lord,

since coming back to IPIK, i feel so demotivated and down. i feel like giving up and i dont want to be here. i want to finish my studies but i dont want to be here. never in my mind have i ever thought to think about giving up, yet here i am, feeling like giving up. honestly, i am scared. i am scared if i am not able to complete my tasks, especially the research proposal.

i know there's something else happening to me, it's more than just about my studies or my assignments. i know Lord that i have not been talking to you lately, i know that i am slowly drifting away from you, i know that it's making you sad Lord. i'm sorry Lord.i'm sorry. at certain points of my life, i just started to have too much fun in my worldly life and did not take you as seriously as before. but i thank you Lord for all the trouble and challenges that i'm in now..i thank you Lord because i know it brings me back to you, thank you Lord, thank you for loving me even after i hurt you so much, thank you Lord...

i know Lord, it's time to stop quitting now. Lord, i don't want to regret just like the times when i decided to quit Taekwondo, to go somewhere very far everytime my heart is broken, to ask someone else to finish my work when i screw up, to ask ray or livy to drive for me just because i am scared and all those things that i chose not to do because of fear...it's time for me to stop all that and just face my fear.

help me Lord. guide me to find the courage to face all those challenges, guide me to the right path. i know i'm a sinful servant of yours, forgive me Lord, have mercy on me...i really need you now Lord. i am scared and i dont even know how to start, where to start. guide me Lord, guide me. protect me from every evil and distractions. help me Lord so i can do my best. amen!